.....it's days like this that make me feel that my life is utterly monotonous.....
I wake up in the morning, or I don't, it really doesn't matter, either way my day's are mostly the same.....
I eat, I sleep, I take care of the pond at the church center, I sit here online and work on the websites and keep in touch with people....
I have lots of things I could do, both online and off, but I really don't feel like doing them. I could arrange stuff in the basement around the computer lab, I could finish clearing out my old room, I could finish raking the leaves outside, I could even clean up my room a bit. It's not that I'm lazy, it's just..... I don't know......even on the websites I'm running, I'm starting to run out of ideas, and I'm really wishing my community was more supportive. There are people out there that help out with it, but those people aren't our main focus for these sites. Our core targets are the ones that don't use it.....
I want to make the websites appealing to various interests, but a lack of communication and interest really hampers my creative abilities..... Mikito, for example, is very strong about not using it as "it was made by a nerd".... now he means that as a joke and with lots of love I'm sure, but, nonetheless doesn't utilize the site....
I don't want to force people to use the sites, Facebook groups, etc. - not at all!! - but it's hard to tweak something to someones interest when you're not sure what they like about the current and want for the future.....
ARGH - it's frustrating......
I give 'em a little bit of a break, because of school, they're busy - I understand that.....
I think a big thing is, when I can't help, it drives me nuts - I love to help Mikito with his soccer out side during the week, but when I don't get to I go nuts, I would like to hear about his week, and what's happening at school as it would peak my day to hear about someone who is actually doing something everyday..... it cheers me up to hear what's going on in his life....
He isn't the only one - as always, my prime example.
Yeah, sure, you could say "James, what happened to going back to school?", "James, get a job!", "James, find something to do!!"......
all valid responses, but here's my answer.....
school = it didn't work out, they never replied with an acceptance letter - I'll try next semester, and be a little pushier about it
job = I've only applied at a bagillion places!!! Even with recommendations from current employees, nothing! so for now - that's how it is
something else = I try and play some video games now and then, I do some running at night, I have a puzzle I'm working on, I listen to tons of music and watch tons of movies......
I'm a people person - and you know the people I'm talking about - I likve having 'em around because they're fun, spontaneous, and entertaining to a certain extent; plus, I get to help 'em with whatever they want help with....
rarely has anything ever brought me more joy than Mikito asking me for help on something - that's just how it is.
Another thing, I was thinking about this the other night....
I am extremely grateful for his guidance - he is really good at knocking me on the head (metaphorically speaking - most of the time ^_^) and keeping me inline...you may think it's odd for a 21 year old guy to model himself after a 14 year old brother, but he is such a role model!!
His sensitivity towards things that can harm the spirit or corrupt the mind have helped me tremendously in setting my own boundaries much closer than I used to, my standards are much higher because of his influence, my behavior is much more dynamic than it used to be, and really, to put it short, because of his being really aligned - I have been able to align myself.
In many situations I run into, if I struggle making a decision, I just ask myself - "What would Mikito do?", or "What would Mikito think?"
These are situations where "What would Jesus do?" just doesn't fit - plus "What would Mikito do?" is much easier to figure out....
It's saved me a lot of trouble....
This is probably just rambling to some people, but I wouldn't be the person I am today if it weren't for him. All my younger brothers have gotten a taste of this from me and vice-a-versa have taught me incredible things and given me amazing experiences!
In a way, I want to give more! That's kinda why I feel like I do today; I haven't been able to give so much the past couple weeks. Cold weather makes it hard for Mikito to get outside for soccer, and makes it hard for me to run at night, and a busy schedule means he is pretty tired sometimes when I see him, and he tends to take it out on me a bit. Not complaining, I want to be the support I can be for him - whatever it is. I want to be the support I can be for all of you guys.
I've been told I'm too honest, and that I shouldn't talk like this in the open where you Youth can read it, but then I had a conversation with Miki from LA, and she really felt that me talking open, from the heart, was much more inspiring and mutually beneficial than me putting up a front and acting tough just because I am an older brother. I feel the same way, our experiences, emotions, etc. ought to be shared, in a respectable manner of course (as I do here), so that they know what's going on in our lives. You would be amazed at what the Youth can pick up from a blog like this, what they can learn, and what they can turn around and teach us, what they can help us with!!!! So, once again, I speak to you from my heart as I too struggle through life.
To sum it up, and to explain my title - me and Mikito used to be best buddies - we spent a lot of time together, playing games, sports, cards, watching TV, and whatever - that's what I miss from him - to be more general, I wish I had a close brother here in Kansas (I've said it before, but I'm repeating it).....
Anywho, I wish you guys all the best!!
Mikito, I love you broman, I hope your week at school is going great; keep up the good grades, I'm cheering for you!! and since your sleeping right now, "Goodnight!"...sleep well brother.
--James
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