What to say about the year passing us by....
What to say....
Well, since God's Day last year I have returned from the brink of disaster.....
At this time last year - things were pretty rough, more so than they are now - I had just gone through the toughest, and probably most painful period in my lifetime that brought me mere thoughts away from suicide...
I have many people to thank for that....but I won't name them here - they know who they are....
My resolutions for this year were to love unconditionally and to be there for my brothers no matter what among a few others - I have the list around here still, I usually keep it on my desk - but it is probably in a box still since I haven't completely unpacked.....
Either way, I believe that I fulfilled most, if not all of my resolutions, to the best of my abilities and have to admit this has been one of the better years of my life....
There is still much progress to be made, both on my part and others, and I have to make the choice to approach it with the right attitude. You can not change other people by trying to change them - other people change when you change yourself.
My time on NLTP brought me a new understanding of my life, but it isn't the first time I've been "hit upside the head" so-to-speak. Last year, when my relationship with Mikito seemed to have completely fallen through, I went to the edge and back. I realized at that point that I it wasn't just what mattered to him (or other people), but I also had to make choices for myself as well. Yes he still has priority (after which, do all my brothers and sisters), but I must make my decisions, and do the things I do, thinking about myself as well. Even today, I don't always do that - I try and provide the most I feel necessary for myself and the rest is for you guys.
To tell you the truth....I'm trying to type this as part of my New Year's reflection - but I just don't know what to say..... I really think I summed it up in my last post.....
I want to be inspired to live for God and offer the gifts that he gave me up to him through the kids, I want to inspire our Youth to live for God, and I hope that in some way something God's does for them or says to them through me will make a positive impact on them. I hope that someday they suddenly come to a realization and say "Hey!", this situation I just went through or this part of my life I am dealing with or whatever was a much more educational and less stressful or challenging situation because I remember someone teaching me "this" when I was a kid. I don't care if they remember me or not, I just want to completely offer that. I feel that that's what God wants to do through me, is be there for the kids that need someone, and to be that "older brother", "confidant", "friend", or whatever that they can turn to in their time of need. He has inspired so many people through me and has given me incredible experiences because of it.....
I really don't know what to say......I have a hard time putting this in words......
This is a first, I struggle to speak my heart on my Xanga.....
Thank You for all of those people who have been there for me through thick and thin - it really means a lot to me.
I just want to repeat this from my last post - as this has great meaning for me, and I hope others as well...
We all need to find out what we're supposed to get out of our
relationships, and the reason why we met in the first place. Finding
that out really helps us understand our life much better.
Mikito, I love you,.Thanx for an
awesome year and for sticking by me - we've been through a lot and come out mostly unscathed. You mean the world to me bro' and I always be here for you! Keep up the
good work for God!! Soccer, school, trumpet, church...I'm very proud
of you and your accomplishments!!!
Insung, Jordan, Donny, Chris,
you guys are awesome!!! ^_^ CJ, John-Michael, Nikita, HOMIE D!!! - I
miss you guys and look forward to seeing you again soon. NY peeps, I
still think of you guys...give me a call, I would love to to talk to
you!!
NLTP - you guys have a blast!! Hope fundraising is still fun without me there!!! ^_^
I want
to wish you all a Happy New Year!!! and Happy God's
Day!!! I love all you brothers and sisters out there, and I am here for
you anyday, anytime!!
-James
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